We hope that you found our website of help. We would be very interested to hear of your own experiences
and feelings regarding death and bereavement. If you would like to share them with us and other users of the site,
do please let us know your thoughts via our visitor form. You can click to add a comment at the bottom of the page.
Sat, 9 February 2008 23:06
I owe my sanity to this site. I visited it many times throughout my dear dads illness and subsequently many times since his passing.
I still find some times really hard - I cannot visit his grave, despite the counselling - but I know I can always visit this site and find
words of comfort. Thank you.
Jo Goodhind, UK
Thu, 25 October 2007, 13:25:55
Comforting Poems at the loss of a wonderful friend
Hello,
I lost my oldest friend Graham some months ago, we had known each other as teenagers and together were this year
going to celebrate our 60th birthdays, having not sorted it out when we were 50. Anyway a poem that I have found
extremely comforting and also a tribute to a dearly loved friend is "So Many Different Lengths of Time" by Brian Patten,
the words of which are below.
Thank you for your wonderful site.
John Perou
How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?
Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek
clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.
So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.
A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.
His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguements,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.
And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so may different lengths of time.
I miss my dad so much. I visited this site within days of his passing, and regulary come back. I've been to counselling, and although I thought I had come to terms with it - I know I haven't. I miss my dad, I miss his presence, I miss his voice. I have no-one to talk to now, and even though I find it hard to visit his resting place, I feel I must go now - be there near him, to let him know I still care. This is really hard for me, and as I watch my mum, missing my dad, her husband, the hurt just builds up. Do we ever get over this? Who knows? I miss my dad so much.'
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Hi, currently in the process of organising a funeral for my grandmother. She had no time for churches or religion and hated funerals. We were lucky to find a funeral directors in the North West of England who are helping us to provide the send off she wanted. The rest of my family weren't convinced about an alternative coffin, but I would have loved to send her off in a green bio-degradable wicker basket, or even a rainbow painted cardboard coffin.
She really wanted it not to be too solemn and insisted we don't wear black. She didn't want any organised religion, so we're having a humanist speaker and we'll have a moment for anyone who wants to, to pray.
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